This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
