Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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