you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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