he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize