It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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