But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
