she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
