how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
