i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
