Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
