So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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