i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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