I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
