I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
