True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
