i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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