I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
