Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
