I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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