Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
