I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
