look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
