and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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