He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize