i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
