I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
