I have demons in me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
