Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
