My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
