How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
