I just threw up on my dentist
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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