let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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