so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
