Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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