My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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