I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
