I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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