Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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