I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
