Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
