we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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