Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i love accidental penises.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
