her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
