So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize