So drunk its hurt
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
