After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize