Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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