not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My feet surprised me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
