doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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