I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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