No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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