I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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