And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dick very happy bro
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
