oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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