a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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