Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
