Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
