I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I deserve this hangover.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
