even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
