remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
