Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
