He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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