i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
