i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
