hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
