Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
