there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
