We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
