I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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