So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
