Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
