Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize