Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
