Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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