Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
