please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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