So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
