omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
