So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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