when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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