At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
