That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
