If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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