I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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