I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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