Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
