Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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