She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
