I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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