I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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