Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
