ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
