I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
