my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
