honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
