She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want to be your penis for a week.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
