I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
