How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
