I think my fart just growled at me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize