i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I smell stomach acid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
