hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
