So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
